LIGAW, PINOY STYLE

I consider courtship Pinoy style unique. I know that some cultures don't have any form of courtship (like in India where most marriages are arranged), but  it's sad to think that courship may now be considered  a dying art, or maybe I should say that it is  evolving into a different style now with the proliferation of cell phones, the internet and other electronic gadgets.

my barkada from Canumay and Maysan

During my grandmother's time, I was told by Nanay that ligaw (courtship) was also done differently from what I experienced during my time. Back then, if a  guy likes a girl, he expresses his love by singing love songs  to her (harana) by her window, at night. A guitarist accompanies him and if  the guy doesn't have a nice singing voice, a substitute singer also comes along. The girl listens to the song by her windowsill and once the song ends, the manliligaw (suitor) is invited inside the house so that he could chat with the girl with the parents just beyond earshot (the guitarist and singer goes home) . Back then, Filipino homes were usually  just a square nipa hut, with no rooms, just one square house (more like a bachelor's pad) where the dining,  receiving area and everything else is in. If the guy stays longer than he is supposed to, the mother or the father would unroll their mat (banig) used for sleeping, a sign that it's time for him to go home bacause it is already late (no they won't tell you to go home explicitly, Pinoys are not like that) As for the courtship ritual, the parents of the girl expects the guy to help them with some of the chores at home (called paninilbihan), chopping firewood, fetching water among other things to show his love (and perhaps his ability) for the girl and her parents. Women back then wore saya's (long skirts) and (not sure if this is true but that's what Nanay said) if a guy sees her heels (talampakan) then he must marry her (crazy right?)

Not sure how courship worked during Nanay and Tatay's day, but I suspect it was more like how Inang and Tata did it, but maybe not much of the paninilbihan, and women back then wore shorter skirts :)

still with my Canumay barkadas

During my time, it's more like the boy giving you love notes or love letters by either asking a common friend to give it to you (pakiabot) or inserting the notes between the pages of your school book when you're not looking. Some boys do ligaw-tingin (admiring you from a distance, not having enough courage to approach you and express their feelings), Some asks  friends to do the talking for them, and this is what we call a bridge or tulay. If a boy musters enough courage, he'll ask your persmission if he could visit you at home, and that means that he really likes you because he is willing to be scrutinized by your parents. If you agree, then the girl asks her parents if the boy could come visit, and if the parents agree, then courtship starts. The boy usually visits every night, often times with his whole barkada (close friends) in tow, and sometimes bringing a small gift  for the girl...a rose, chocolates or some other stuff. Personally I have been given stuffed toys, food of all kinds...tikoy, balut, siopao, mango...you name it. I don't ask for them though, they voluntarily gave it to Nanay (which made me wonder at times if  it was me they were really courting me or Nanay hehe, but I knew back then that they were just nagpapadulas) There are parents who really scrutinizes the suitors, asking a lot of questions about their family, and other personal questions to see if he is suitable for their daughter, but I don't recall that happening to any of the guys who visited me at home. Nanay was I could say liberal, any boy who wanted to visit could come and visit, she'd even prepare merienda (snacks) for them, isn't that cool?

with my friends from Pag-Asa during my 18th birthday

When my family and I came here to the US, one of my fears was that our daughters may not be able to experience all that I have experienced  when I was younger, and I was right. Ate (our 2nd child) said that a boy approached her at school, asked "wanna go out?" and that's it, that's their ligaw here already. Fortunately Ate said no, much to my relief.


Nowadays ligaw has evolved into something totally different from what I knew, now young people send love notes through text messages, love letters through emails, or talks to the girl by phone or by online chatting. It's not uncommon for couples to fall in love and break up even before they see each other in person, and I am saddened by this. To me, no email or text message compares to the thrill that  a girl feels when a boy comes to her house to court her. By doing so you both learn about each other's personality and  know each other on a much  deeper level. Until now I still remember the boys (and their barkadas) who visited me back then. I have fond memories of each of them, the laughter we shared, the songs we sang  when we hung out together, the food we shared, the places we went to for picnics and outings...all those are still with me and will always be with me. I share those wonderful memories with our kids, and I can't help but smile whenever I think of each of them. 

I'm sharing with you  NANAY LILAY'S MELT-IN-YOUR-MOUTH LECHE FLAN,  a favorite among my many barkadas. I still think of them  them whenever I make these. 

INGREDIENTS: 

1 dozen whole eggs
3 cans evaporated milk

1 can condensed milk

1 kilo white sugar 

1 to 2 teaspoons lemon or vanilla extract

please see video for instructions